Comments on: Coming Out http://www.inrepair.net I'm not together, but I'm getting there Sun, 14 Mar 2010 19:39:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Renee http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1517 Renee Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:51:48 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1517 I feel for anyone that has to go through such a devastating and painful revelation about themselves but like Rod said, we cannot deny that God forbids sin in our lives--I am a single woman who has never been married and I have practically lived most of my life as a celibate. I am 51 years old. This has not been easy and I still struggle with it sometimes. God never ask us to do anything that we are not capable of doing--we just have to trust in him, be persistent and be willing to get rid of sin at any cost. He never promised it would be easy, just that he would be there to give us what we needed to get through it. Not having sex for the rest of your life, as you say, is not such a bad thing and in fact frees your mind to focus on more worthwhile things in life. I have been feeling lately that marriage is on the horizon, but even if it doesn't occur, I will continue to live in holy celibacy until I am married or I am dead. I am a happy, well adjusted woman who loves life, men and all the things others like and desire, I've just decided that living fully for God was greater and better. I wish you God's blessings on finding your way back to the Lord--his mercies extend forever, but you don't want to wait until it's too late. He loves you no matter what you have done and what you are, he only wants true devotion--and that includes from everyone. I feel for anyone that has to go through such a devastating and painful revelation about themselves but like Rod said, we cannot deny that God forbids sin in our lives–I am a single woman who has never been married and I have practically lived most of my life as a celibate. I am 51 years old. This has not been easy and I still struggle with it sometimes. God never ask us to do anything that we are not capable of doing–we just have to trust in him, be persistent and be willing to get rid of sin at any cost. He never promised it would be easy, just that he would be there to give us what we needed to get through it. Not having sex for the rest of your life, as you say, is not such a bad thing and in fact frees your mind to focus on more worthwhile things in life. I have been feeling lately that marriage is on the horizon, but even if it doesn’t occur, I will continue to live in holy celibacy until I am married or I am dead. I am a happy, well adjusted woman who loves life, men and all the things others like and desire, I’ve just decided that living fully for God was greater and better.

I wish you God’s blessings on finding your way back to the Lord–his mercies extend forever, but you don’t want to wait until it’s too late. He loves you no matter what you have done and what you are, he only wants true devotion–and that includes from everyone.

]]> By: Brian http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1516 Brian Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:17:55 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1516 @ Phil: Thanks for a beautiful comment. God bless you. @ Phil: Thanks for a beautiful comment. God bless you.

]]> By: Phil http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1515 Phil Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:47:15 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1515 Brian, I came upon your site by "accident" while checking on the veracity of the article on Muslim faith someone sent me. I really enjoyed your heartfelt story. Funny how God works to make "accidents" happen...I've never blogged but I have decided this accident is my sign to offer a few comments I hope will be worthwhile. I come with the perspective of a middle-aged father of 3 girls in Texas who recently had my oldest come out to us. It was a surprise but not a complete shock, as many signs had been there, but we had not really pieced things together. Even though we are a pretty liberal household and she has a strong network of friends and family available (including therapy), the pain and confusion involved with burying such an integral part of herself and trying to fit in had resulted in self-harm and other issues over the past couple years. When she told us, she had known for some time, and I think really came to realize it after trying to make a boy relationship work last year. Anyway, the big point is that we have been very open and understanding, and have worked through it as a family in what I hope has been the best way possible. We have continued to support therapy for her, and got her involved in a support group of her peers that meets weekly. We have talked openly and with humor and love. It does not mean it is easy as a parent to face the situation. As parents, we are lying to ourselves if we do not realize there is some significant pain associated with this at times. Things like realizing there will never be a traditional wedding, or the son-in-law I had imagined for years, and such. And most impactful, coming to the realization that this is a very hard road in many ways for my cherished daughter to have to travel, and wishing she did not have to face the difficulties associated with being gay in a more open but still somewhat judgmental culture. But you know what? This is far, far, FAR outweighed by the love we have for our daughter and the desire for her to find happiness and peace in her life. I am a very active Christian believer, but I do not believe we get a choice in the vast majority of cases as to what our sexuality is. And I don't believe that Christ means us to deny this aspect of ourselves as some sort of Job-like test. I am just a regular guy, so I guess I won't know for sure until I check out of this life, but in the meantime it is a very firm belief of mine that we are made the way we are. And since God made us, doesn't it stand to reason that the way we have been created is ok? I believe, like Brian's story, that my daughter probably expected me to have much more difficulty with this. I am a successful executive in a conservative region. I am a fiscal conservative (she and her Mom still sometimes don't seem to really believe that I can vote Republican because of fiscal concerns but still be socially liberal...really I am probably a Libertarian I guess..). I'm as attracted to her Mom as I was 20 years ago and it probably shows. Anyway, the point is that I think and hope she got a much more positive and loving immediate and long-term reaction than she might have imagined. And I think this may be true for many parents out there. I am not minimizing the negatives - I have heard plenty of horror stories about parents and churches not being at all accepting. But at the end of the day, your authenticity is most important. If you can't come to grips with who you are, you will end up at best severely limiting yourself in your short time on this planet, or at worst harming yourself (or worse). So, get some resources in place, take the leap of faith and test your parents if you are in the situation Brian or my daughter were before they came out. It's a risk you have to take, and it is one I pray works out for you. God loves us all. Brian,
I came upon your site by “accident” while checking on the veracity of the article on Muslim faith someone sent me. I really enjoyed your heartfelt story. Funny how God works to make “accidents” happen…I’ve never blogged but I have decided this accident is my sign to offer a few comments I hope will be worthwhile.
I come with the perspective of a middle-aged father of 3 girls in Texas who recently had my oldest come out to us. It was a surprise but not a complete shock, as many signs had been there, but we had not really pieced things together. Even though we are a pretty liberal household and she has a strong network of friends and family available (including therapy), the pain and confusion involved with burying such an integral part of herself and trying to fit in had resulted in self-harm and other issues over the past couple years. When she told us, she had known for some time, and I think really came to realize it after trying to make a boy relationship work last year.
Anyway, the big point is that we have been very open and understanding, and have worked through it as a family in what I hope has been the best way possible. We have continued to support therapy for her, and got her involved in a support group of her peers that meets weekly. We have talked openly and with humor and love. It does not mean it is easy as a parent to face the situation. As parents, we are lying to ourselves if we do not realize there is some significant pain associated with this at times. Things like realizing there will never be a traditional wedding, or the son-in-law I had imagined for years, and such. And most impactful, coming to the realization that this is a very hard road in many ways for my cherished daughter to have to travel, and wishing she did not have to face the difficulties associated with being gay in a more open but still somewhat judgmental culture. But you know what? This is far, far, FAR outweighed by the love we have for our daughter and the desire for her to find happiness and peace in her life. I am a very active Christian believer, but I do not believe we get a choice in the vast majority of cases as to what our sexuality is. And I don’t believe that Christ means us to deny this aspect of ourselves as some sort of Job-like test. I am just a regular guy, so I guess I won’t know for sure until I check out of this life, but in the meantime it is a very firm belief of mine that we are made the way we are. And since God made us, doesn’t it stand to reason that the way we have been created is ok?
I believe, like Brian’s story, that my daughter probably expected me to have much more difficulty with this. I am a successful executive in a conservative region. I am a fiscal conservative (she and her Mom still sometimes don’t seem to really believe that I can vote Republican because of fiscal concerns but still be socially liberal…really I am probably a Libertarian I guess..). I’m as attracted to her Mom as I was 20 years ago and it probably shows. Anyway, the point is that I think and hope she got a much more positive and loving immediate and long-term reaction than she might have imagined. And I think this may be true for many parents out there.
I am not minimizing the negatives – I have heard plenty of horror stories about parents and churches not being at all accepting. But at the end of the day, your authenticity is most important. If you can’t come to grips with who you are, you will end up at best severely limiting yourself in your short time on this planet, or at worst harming yourself (or worse). So, get some resources in place, take the leap of faith and test your parents if you are in the situation Brian or my daughter were before they came out. It’s a risk you have to take, and it is one I pray works out for you. God loves us all.

]]> By: Su http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1492 Su Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:22:54 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1492 Wow... I'm a mom of 3 very young boys. And I've just embraced Christianity. But being a realist, I know that one day, one of them would turn to me and tell me they were gay. All I know is, at least I won't have a bitchy daughter in law. ;) Whatever it is, I should think God loves everyone. And that's my stance. So, hope all is well with your mom n sis, now. Do take care. Wow… I’m a mom of 3 very young boys. And I’ve just embraced Christianity. But being a realist, I know that one day, one of them would turn to me and tell me they were gay. All I know is, at least I won’t have a bitchy daughter in law. ;)

Whatever it is, I should think God loves everyone. And that’s my stance.

So, hope all is well with your mom n sis, now. Do take care.

]]> By: carolyn http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1514 carolyn Fri, 29 May 2009 06:07:47 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1514 You are truly amazing. I'm sorry you went through so much, but hopefully your story can inspire others. Have no doubt God loves you. You are truly amazing. I’m sorry you went through so much, but hopefully your story can inspire others. Have no doubt God loves you.

]]> By: Joe C. http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1513 Joe C. Mon, 04 May 2009 01:27:46 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1513 Hello Brian, My name is Joe, and I am a freshman in high school. It's an all boys Catholic school, and it is somewhat conservative. I have found my place there with other guys my age that are out to the world or only out to a few people. I know that I am gay... I know it very well, it's just too hard for me to come out. This story about the ups and downs of your life has truly inspired me to talk to my parents about the "real me." I think they will take it well; we are a somewhat liberal family, politicaly and morally. It's just a big burden: I am Catholic, and I am afraid that I will be frowned upon by my more "old-fashion" and conservative grandparents and aunts and uncles... But I am happy I came across your website. Truly inspiring! Best, Joe Hello Brian,
My name is Joe, and I am a freshman in high school.
It’s an all boys Catholic school, and it is somewhat conservative. I have found my place there with other guys my age that are out to the world or only out to a few people.
I know that I am gay… I know it very well, it’s just too hard for me to come out.
This story about the ups and downs of your life has truly inspired me to talk to my parents about the “real me.”
I think they will take it well; we are a somewhat liberal family, politicaly and morally.
It’s just a big burden: I am Catholic, and I am afraid that I will be frowned upon by my more “old-fashion” and conservative grandparents and aunts and uncles…
But I am happy I came across your website.
Truly inspiring!
Best,
Joe

]]> By: Brian http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1512 Brian Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:48:00 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1512 @ Scott: Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it. @ Scott: Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it.

]]> By: Scott http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1511 Scott Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:57:22 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1511 Brian, I stumbled across your website when looking for a way to hack into my new LG Dare phone (worked great, btw, thanks!). While here I read your story of coming out. Very heartfelt and touching. It's a sad story that I'm sure is re-enacted in homes and lives all over the country, and world, and is a sad commentary on the lack of tolerance, intelligence, enlightenment of both humanity and especially religion. At least yours has a fairly happy ending. You're a more complete person now and you discovered that your father is a better man than you thought. Too bad your mother doesn't seem to be able to handle it as well. I lost my faith in God years ago. Truth be told, I never really had it to begin with. I've been an athiest my whole life but it took years of searching for answers to finally understand and accept it, and to understand that it doesn't make me a bad person. Anyhow, I'm glad you lived to tell the tale, and I hope that others find inspiration from your story and from it become brave enough to make their journey to self-understanding and fullfillment. I have children your age and I cannot imagine not loving them because of anything. Gay people are just people. I have so many gay friends that are terrific parents. I know a whole lot more heterosexual people that are terrible parents, and terrible people in general. Many of them are religous. It constantly amazes me just how hateful and damaging religion can be. Something that is supposed to make us feel better and less fearful turns so many people into bigots. It's sad and pathetic. And only surves to further my beliefs. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you continue to live a happy and rewarding life. Good luck. Brian,

I stumbled across your website when looking for a way to hack into my new LG Dare phone (worked great, btw, thanks!). While here I read your story of coming out. Very heartfelt and touching. It’s a sad story that I’m sure is re-enacted in homes and lives all over the country, and world, and is a sad commentary on the lack of tolerance, intelligence, enlightenment of both humanity and especially religion. At least yours has a fairly happy ending. You’re a more complete person now and you discovered that your father is a better man than you thought. Too bad your mother doesn’t seem to be able to handle it as well.

I lost my faith in God years ago. Truth be told, I never really had it to begin with. I’ve been an athiest my whole life but it took years of searching for answers to finally understand and accept it, and to understand that it doesn’t make me a bad person.

Anyhow, I’m glad you lived to tell the tale, and I hope that others find inspiration from your story and from it become brave enough to make their journey to self-understanding and fullfillment. I have children your age and I cannot imagine not loving them because of anything. Gay people are just people. I have so many gay friends that are terrific parents. I know a whole lot more heterosexual people that are terrible parents, and terrible people in general. Many of them are religous. It constantly amazes me just how hateful and damaging religion can be. Something that is supposed to make us feel better and less fearful turns so many people into bigots. It’s sad and pathetic. And only surves to further my beliefs.

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you continue to live a happy and rewarding life. Good luck.

]]> By: goodbadandugly2 http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1510 goodbadandugly2 Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:45:43 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1510 This story is touching and I am so happy that things worked out ok. It looks like sharing your story helps people open their eyes a little. Why are (we) as a population so judgey? We shouldn't be! :) Very encouraging! This story is touching and I am so happy that things worked out ok. It looks like sharing your story helps people open their eyes a little. Why are (we) as a population so judgey? We shouldn’t be! :)
Very encouraging!

]]> By: Seth http://www.inrepair.net/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1509 Seth Sat, 29 Nov 2008 00:16:49 +0000 http://inrepair.net/about-the-author/my-coming-out-story/#comment-1509 Wow, dude...I could always kinda imagine what it was like...but reading this was like watching a movie. Very eloquent, and I think I know my coworker and my boss a little better now. As cranky as he is, your dad is a great guy. I can understand a lot of the emotion you went through, as I went through it as well...just with different circumstances. ANYWAY, enough of this depressing rambling...I'm gonna go see if I can dig up that Beyonce clip from The Today Show XD! *goes into stupor* Wow, dude…I could always kinda imagine what it was like…but reading this was like watching a movie. Very eloquent, and I think I know my coworker and my boss a little better now. As cranky as he is, your dad is a great guy. I can understand a lot of the emotion you went through, as I went through it as well…just with different circumstances. ANYWAY, enough of this depressing rambling…I’m gonna go see if I can dig up that Beyonce clip from The Today Show XD! *goes into stupor*

]]>