It’s easy to get reflective and pensive on this anniversary of my birth, but I will try to refrain since I am already having some difficulty with depression. I started taking Paxil last Monday and stopped on Friday. It made me feel absolutely miserable. I felt like I was in a fog all day and couldn’t sleep at night; not a good combination. I know there is an adjustment period, but there are also long-term side effects that I don’t want to deal with.
My doctor pointed out that counseling would account for about 60% of the remedy, so we’ll see how that goes. In the meantime, I have decided to try to remove as many stress factors from my life as possible. Exercise also seems key, as it is a natural way to increase serotonin levels.
I am not anti-medication. Paxil was a lifesaver for me several years ago and I am thankful that medical science can help so many people. Maybe I just haven’t hit bottom yet, because I am still optimistic that there are viable alternatives. I don’t want to numb myself to the world around me just to get through life. I want to feel sorrow right along with joy, I just don’t want the darkness to take over my life to the point that I feel drained of energy and the will to live.
Come on, keep me where the light is
Away from all the dark
Keep me where the light is
Keep me where the light is.
- from “Gravity” by John Mayer
I know how you feel. I needed antidepressants for a while to get through a tough time in high school, but I feel so much better without them now. I still have bad days, yes, but I know that they won’t last forever and there are more good days than bad. The thing I like most about being off the medication is that I cry again. I didn’t realize how numb I had become while on the meds until I went off them and started feeling emotions again!
I hope the counseling goes well for you, and I hope that you get more good days. ;)